"From that day forward when the kids talk about someone they met or friends at school, they will describe the color of their hair , the color of their eyes and other physical attributes but not one of them ever say what the skin color is"
That is the concluding paragraph of a blog post in which a mom blogger is proud of the fact that they never talk about race and never use skin color as a descriptor. Never mind that one of her children is bi-racial and leans toward a more African American appearance. Once again it is a glaring example of how the ultimate white privilege is the fact we don't have to talk about race if we don't want to. We can pretend race doesn't exist even as our child struggles to make sense of a world his parents won't acknowledge exists.
I understand the average white person's reluctance to talk about race (I understand it- I do not, in any circumstance, condone it) Talking about race can be uncomfortable- people don't want to hear what you have to say and sometimes even misconstrue your intent. It is much more comfortable to not talk about race.
However, and I will try to say this nicely...
GET OVER IT
You chose to parent a child of a different race. Your child didn't chose you- you chose them.
Get over it.
You don't have the luxury of hiding behind your white privilege anymore. You need a functional vocabulary of race terms and at least some degree of racial awareness. If nothing else you need to understand that if you are trying to describe someone then saying they are black is no more offensive than saying they are tall, or male, or have red hair. It is a physical characteristic, a large part of who they are- it is a FACT, not a value judgment or a derogatory term.
If your children seriously never use race as an appropriate way describe someone then either you have failed to give them an understanding of the variety of humanity, including the most easily identifiable of human characteristics, skin color OR you have taught them that there is something LESS THAN about being black, something that is not only not worthy of mention, but something that is actively not talked about.
Either option is a horrible lesson for children but for a child who is a member of that group, the silence can be devastating.
And they deserve more from the parents who chose to parent them.
I could do a (more) lengthy post on the way this attitude will ultimately fail their child, but turns out Malinda at www.chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com said is perfectly.
Here is a little sample of her wonderful response to this topic:
People who are comfortable with race can actually say the words! If there are two people trying to describe John to me, and one studiously avoids mentioning the quite salient fact that John is African-American while telling me in laborious detail that John is wearing a blue polo shirt and is tall and has black hair and dark eyes, and the other person says, "You know, the African-American dude standing in the back," I know which one has a problem with race. Don't you think your kids can figure out what your silence on the subject means?
Read the whole post here. Trust me, it's worth your time
That is the concluding paragraph of a blog post in which a mom blogger is proud of the fact that they never talk about race and never use skin color as a descriptor. Never mind that one of her children is bi-racial and leans toward a more African American appearance. Once again it is a glaring example of how the ultimate white privilege is the fact we don't have to talk about race if we don't want to. We can pretend race doesn't exist even as our child struggles to make sense of a world his parents won't acknowledge exists.
I understand the average white person's reluctance to talk about race (I understand it- I do not, in any circumstance, condone it) Talking about race can be uncomfortable- people don't want to hear what you have to say and sometimes even misconstrue your intent. It is much more comfortable to not talk about race.
However, and I will try to say this nicely...
GET OVER IT
You chose to parent a child of a different race. Your child didn't chose you- you chose them.
Get over it.
You don't have the luxury of hiding behind your white privilege anymore. You need a functional vocabulary of race terms and at least some degree of racial awareness. If nothing else you need to understand that if you are trying to describe someone then saying they are black is no more offensive than saying they are tall, or male, or have red hair. It is a physical characteristic, a large part of who they are- it is a FACT, not a value judgment or a derogatory term.
If your children seriously never use race as an appropriate way describe someone then either you have failed to give them an understanding of the variety of humanity, including the most easily identifiable of human characteristics, skin color OR you have taught them that there is something LESS THAN about being black, something that is not only not worthy of mention, but something that is actively not talked about.
Either option is a horrible lesson for children but for a child who is a member of that group, the silence can be devastating.
And they deserve more from the parents who chose to parent them.
I could do a (more) lengthy post on the way this attitude will ultimately fail their child, but turns out Malinda at www.chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com said is perfectly.
Here is a little sample of her wonderful response to this topic:
People who are comfortable with race can actually say the words! If there are two people trying to describe John to me, and one studiously avoids mentioning the quite salient fact that John is African-American while telling me in laborious detail that John is wearing a blue polo shirt and is tall and has black hair and dark eyes, and the other person says, "You know, the African-American dude standing in the back," I know which one has a problem with race. Don't you think your kids can figure out what your silence on the subject means?
Read the whole post here. Trust me, it's worth your time
2 comments:
I was really confused when I saw the title of this and well because I know you. Good points!
Love it! Thank you for posting!
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