More Embarrassing Adoptive Parents (This Could Become a Standard Feature)

From a family who is planning to adopt a child from China.  Surprise Surprise once they got some negative comments they made their blog private but hey- the internet, well that's forever baby....

I understand that it takes time to evolve as an adoptive parent and you don't word things right and don't really understand the complexities of adoption but this blog is so chock full of badness, I can not suffer these fools at all, (let alone, gladly) 

*there may be a word of profanity here and there.  You have been warned.

Here you go- read it and weep or vomit or something. 

 

A few years ago, we would be the last people you might imagine adopting, but God has taken us on an amazing journey, and He has called us to “take care of the least of these.”   We are fearful and have a multitude of questions, but we are confident that we are in God’s will, so we trust that He will take care of all our concerns.

When we did not think we would be able to have another child after Bryce, we began to think about adopting.  We didn’t think very long about it, as neither one of us were interested in “having someone else’s child.”  Boy, did God change our hearts!  In the following months, God orchestrated events and people in our lives which brought us to the conclusion that not only do we want to adopt, but we feel that God has called us ALL to take care of orphans.  

Time to save a pagan baby for Jesus. 
SIGH.... 

As excited as we were during my pregnancy with Brock, JJ and I were still praying and planning our adoption.  Our goal was to start making real decisions by Brock’s first birthday.  In the past few months, we have wrestled back and forth many times on what avenue to take to adopt.  Honestly, there are no good choices.  It ultimately came down to what is best for OUR family.  We will be adopting from China

If you truly believe there are "no good choices" why on Earth are you even adopting at all  

Why did we decide not to adopt domestically?  The two main ways to adopt domestically are through DSS and private adoption.  We definitely don’t feel like Foster Care through DSS is right for our family, so that really isn’t an option for us.  With Private adoption, there are countless couples waiting on children.  Those children are wanted, and will find homes.  Our main focus on OUR adoption is to save a child...to give a child a home that otherwise would not have one.  No matter what the situation in America, orphans will be provided for and ultimately will at least hear of Jesus’ name.  Overseas, many of the orphans are sold into sex slavery if they are not adopted and sadly, will never hear about Christ.  

So you will "save" a child who might not need a family, who might only be available due to corruption or fraud or the lack of a social safety net in their own country so that they aren't sold into sex slavery but to raise a child who legally can not remain with their family due to sexual abuse- that isn't right for your family.  Got it.  That's just what Jesus would do I'm sure.

Some of you may not understand our desire to adopt Internationally.  We totally respect your feelings.  We realize that God had called US to adopt, and that a lot of people probably won’t fully “get it.”  We feel that a child without a parent is still...a child without a parent...no matter where they are from or their skin color.  We are excited that the “image” of our new family will be a constant reminder and testimony for everyone.  Just seeing us with an Asian child will expose everyone who comes in contact with us to the idea of adoption.  We love the spiritual picture of adoption, as it mirrors how God has adopted each one of us.  

This paragraph alone should summarily disqualify you from being able to adopt a child of color.  The depth of the ignorance and self-glorification is astounding.  Do you think you Asian child (assuming you even think of them as your child since here it sounds like they are an accessory- a testimonial of your so called piety) do you think they want to live day in and day out singled out, always obvious to the white world in which you so clearly surround yourself.  Do you have even the remotest inkling of the issues of race and privilege in this country.  Have you even sort of thought about how your child might feel- living her life on perpetual display so that you can show the world what a great person you are.  I would strongly suggest you find some people of color (and no, not on or two token "friends" who support you) but others who might challenge your belief that skin color doesn't matter.   Better yet- find some adult transracial adoptees and read them this paragraph.  You think there is "spiritual warfare"  now as your facebook page pointed out- wait to see what they say.

And on an aside note- what the heck is spiritual warfare anyway- seems to me that is what it's called when someone calls you out on your classist racist ignorant bullshit

 

Why China?  Oh how we wish God would have given us a passion for a particular country.  It would have been so much easier!  Again, there are not a lot of countries that have adoption programs that “fit” with our current family situation.  Most of the countries require at least one parent to stay in the country for 6 weeks.  Obviously, that is not an option for us.  China is one of the only countries that requires ONE visit.  Thankfully, it will only be 10-14 days.  China’s adoption program is not as corrupt as other countries, so we feel they are much more reliable.  Unfortunately, both Russia and Guatemala are no longer options for Americans to adopt because they failed to follow the correct procedures.

I fail to see how it is unfortunate that you can not adopt from Russia or Guatemala.  Guatemala's program was so corrupt that any ethical agency stopped working there YEARS before the US government finally shut them down.  EVERY international program has documented corruption.  And if you can't even stomach the idea of being in country for 10-14 days (and newsflash we had to be there 21 days so things change)  If you are so focused on getting in and out in the shortest amount of time that you can't see the importance of spending those moments absorbing everything you can about the country you are about to take your child from, if you are using the word thankfully to describe your short time in country, how are you ever going to impart positive feelings about your child's homeland.  Assuming you even care enough to bother

Also- your agency doesn't exactly have a reputation for being ethical.  Just thought you should know 

The down side of adopting from China is that they are only allowing people to adopt Special Needs children right now.  We do not feel called to adopt Special Needs, but many of the orphans only have minor issues like missing digits, birthmarks, cleft palates, heart conditions that can be corrected with surgery, etc.  We can be very selective on our application about the types of Special Needs that we feel comfortable would fit into our family.  Honestly, we are still praying about being more open minded to what God has planned for us regarding Special Needs.

This is another paragraph that ought to disqualify you without further question.  " The downside" and "We do not feel called to adopt special needs"-  

If I may be blunt...

WTF??????

You don't feel called- then don't do it.  
  Special needs children do not need your charity- believe me there is a line thousands of parents deep open to the needs you are open to (and many more severe ones as well) and those parents are not adopting to prove their faith and do not feel that they are 'settling' for a special needs child.  They not only are willing to parent children with additional needs- they want to and they don't see their children as the "downside" to adoption.

And here's another newsflash- most the of the kids do not have minor needs and even if they have minor needs on paper, countless parents are getting to China and realizing minor isn't really minor (and that is just their official special need- that doesn't even address orphanage delays, sensory issues, attachment trauma, PTSD, sleep problems, feeding problems- things that are so common they are not considered special needs at all and are just part of the commitment you make)

And since you clearly have done NO research. Cleft palate is NOT a minor special need.  Typically it involves YEARS of speech therapy and multiple surgeries and lots of strength for children when they get asked over and over "what happened to you" or "what's wrong with your mouth"  And that assumes the child also doesn't have cleft related hearing issues

How long does the process take?  Every adoption is different, but approximately 12-24 months.  Ideally, it will be around 15 months from now when we travel.  We are requesting a baby, as we feel the younger she is, the easier her adjustment and bonding experience will be.  She could be any where from 12 months to 24 months old by the time we travel.  A few months before we travel, we will be sent a “referral.”  This will include our daughter’s picture and health information.  We do have the option to “pass” and wait for a child that is better for our family if we see fit.

You might want to talk with your agency-  the vast majority of kids coming home are 20-36 months old at this point (although ethics have not been your agency's strong suit so maybe they have some tricks.  or maybe they are lying to get your money)

 

How must does it cost?  Gulp.  $35,000.  It is normally around $32,000 for China Adoptions, but we plan on taking both Bryce and Brock with us on our two week trip to China.  We plan on raising every penny through fundraisers and applying for grants.  We have to raise about half before we can even apply for grants.  Some families receive thousands of dollars from adoption grants, and some receive nothing.  We are in the middle of planning a Fishing Tournament on Aug 3 and a Fundraiser Pageant on September 21.  We have several other ideas in mind like hosting a concert, etc. 

Another way we hope to raise money is from donations from our friends and family.  There is a direct link on this blog to donate.  If you feel led to financially help us on our journey, this is the easiest way to contribute.  We want all of our friends and family to be a part of the process of bringing our daughter home.  If you are able to give financially, we humbly accept your donations.  If not, we beg you to pray!  We have to mail in $2700 to even begin our home study.  The $35,000 is broken up into many smaller payments during the journey.  The sooner we raise the money, the sooner we will have our daughter.  Raising $35,000 in the next year is inconceivable to us, but it is nothing for God.  We can’t wait to see how He provides and delivers! 

Cause everyone knows the Lord helps those who help themselves   beg for money from friends and strangers, all the while pimping their child's sob story of how they will never know Jesus and need medical care or else they will end up a sex slave.

Again- this might be a time to actually talk to adult adoptees about the pitfalls of begging for money using your child as a charity case.  

Also make sure your donors know that you will be able to use the adoption tax credit to get about 13,000 of the money spent back- cause we wouldn't want to make a profit from adopting would we?

(and if you make enough to not qualify for the tax credit you really should be paying for your own freaking adoption)

I am not sure they have even started the homestudy (since they want others to pay for it) but if they get approval, somewhere a social worker really needs to be fired.

PS- You might want to look up the definition of the word "lured" before you use it in a blog title about adopting a child.  

Here- let me save you the trouble

lure

lo͝or/

verb

past tense: lured; past participle: lured

1.

tempt (a person or an animal) to do something or to go somewhere, esp. by offering some form of reward.

"the child was lured into a car but managed to escape"

synonyms:

tempt, entice, attract, induce, coax, persuade, inveigle, allure, seduce, win over, cajole, beguile, bewitch, ensnare