She Survived the Dentist

Apparently we hadn't made it clear enough to D that the dentist was going to fix her teeth not at his office but at Really Good Children's Hospital. We pulled up out front and she took one look out the window and said.....

"This NOT the dentist. I no going!!!!"

Fortunately, she did finally decide to get out of the car and go willingly (and by willingly I mean being carried and crying at the top of her lungs)

We got there at 7 and by 7:46 she was under anesthesia. Much faster than normal surgery (also they allowed us to stay with her while they started- which is another big improvement over the main surgery unit at the hospital)

It took about 3 hours to get all the work done and the dentist wants to work with her to desensitize her to dental procedures (since he suspects a big problem with her toothbrushing issues are a result of trauma related to multiple cleft procedures)

But for now her teeth are all healthy and after a meal of Tim Horton's strawberry Timbits (yeah I know dentist, Timbits, marvel at the irony) she is pretty much back to normal- whatever that means.

Wordless Wednesday

The Saga Ends at the Dentist Tomorrow

This is kind of long, so grab a cup of coffee and get comfortable

Back in June, the kids had their 6 month dental appointment and the dentist comes out and announces that D needs at least 4 crowns on her back molars. This is not necessarily a huge surprise since

1. Who know what her prenatal nutrition was like

2. Who knows what her nutrition/tooth care was like the first 14 months of her life

3. She has a cleft palate which means that some teeth are not fully developed and we aren't sure if those issue might also effect some of the other teeth)

4. Brushing her teeth is akin to torturing her. If involves large amounts of screaming and trying to hold onto her (all while worrying that this is going to cause some trauma related attachment difficulty) And although she has gotten a lot better about it the first years were a battle and the back teeth are the hardest to reach.

Anyway-

The dentist tries to get an x-ray to make sure the top teeth are not a mess too but her mouth is actually too small for her to hold the x-ray film. The dentist decides that she will just take the x-ray while they are doing the initial 4 teeth since she will be under anesthetic (so they can get the film in without hurting her). The dentist has a anesthesiologist who comes to the office and they do it there.

However,

since she has massive doctor/surgery fears AND has had minor complications waking up AND has a p-flap (which means that if they need to do a tube for any reason the doctor has to KNOW what he is doing) I decide to call the doctor directly and ask what he thinks.

I get him on the phone and he says "Well my partner handles the cases in that (my dentist's) office and he really can't do a case like that. I could do it, but they will have to schedule it directly with me. But if it were my kid, based on what you have said, I would do it at Really Good Children's Hospital since that is where they know her history."

I call the dentist and let her know we are going to do it at the hospital. I call the dental clinic and tell them I need to schedule dental work that needs done under anesthesia. They tell me that they "don't do that" unless the child is seen in their dental clinic first. I tell her "fine, schedule it" She says "Our next appointment is in March" I say "Are you kidding me? That's 10 months from now?" I hang up and call the dentist and tell her to schedule the procedure with the other guy.

Meanwhile, the more B and I think about this the less comfortable we are with the procedure being done in the office (for all the above listed reasons) In fact, one thing that was stressed to us during the p-flap surgery is to make sure that anytime she has anesthesia they know she has a p-flap. And in all honesty- she doesn't need another reason to be afraid of the dentist. So we know we have to deal with the hospital but aren't sure how she can make it almost a year with her teeth hurting.

Luckily, I was on the phone (for an unrelated reason) with the cleft coordinator at Really Good Children's Hospital and I asked her what she would do. She said she had some connections to the dental clinic and maybe she could get some names of local dentists who have OR privileges at the hospital. About an hour later I had the names of a couple of dentists. I called one and they were willing to see D (which also meant a second opinion about what work needed done) and tomorrow finally she is having the teeth all fixed- (which is great since she has been on a steady diet of Tylenol for the last week or so since her teeth hurt)

If you are still with us- thanks for reading and any good thoughts you can send to DW would be appreciated.

And while you are thinking good thoughts, I am dreading what this is going to cost us since my dental insurance will not cover any of the hospital facility charges beyond the anesthesiologist (even though it is done in the dental clinic at the hospital) and my medical insurance won't touch it at all since it is dental work (even though the reason it needs done in a hospital is medical).

Hopefully, it will be reasonable, otherwise D might be getting crowns for Christmas and I have no idea how to wrap them......

You. Must. Read. This. Post.

I did not write this but anyone who is or has ever parented a child, taught a child, been near a child or even seen a child must read

THIS POST

and more than read it- take it to heart and share it.

Share it often and share it everywhere.

Weekend Wisdom

"It is very nearly impossible... to become an educated person in a country so distrustful of the independent mind."

James A. Baldwin

What Does It Mean To Be White?

A couple of weeks ago on another blog I read the blogger asked the question "what does it mean to be white?" (You can read the post here)

I started to write an answer that night but couldn't get my thoughts clearly down on paper and then the last 2 insane weeks began and well I didn't even have dinner until 10 each night so a "thinking" post was beyond my capabilities. However, tonight I thought I would try to figure out my answer to "what does it mean to be white?"

Except, I am not really sure it what it means to be white.

Because "white" isn't a culture.

There is significant diversity between white folks too. Whether you are an Italian Catholic or a Russian Jew influences who you are. The Swiss are not the same as the Greeks and I think no one would ever say the French are just like the English- because each of these groups are diverse in language, tradition and lifestyle. To be a member of one (or more) of these groups does not mean your experiences are interchangeable with a member of any other group.

Yet at some point in time, society managed to distill away all that diversity and we just became "white". (Although, admittedly, some of groups mentioned have arrived in "white" more recently than others)

When the questions is asked "what does it mean to be white?" as opposed to "what does it mean to be English?" it neglects to address the fact that is substantial white diversity.

What it means to be white then becomes a simple question of what it means to be in the majority.

And that question brings us back to privilege.

Because as much as I didn't want to make this another post about privilege, turns out that privilege is the defining answer to what it means to be white. It means that I am the norm, the standard, the expectation- and I don't have to worry about what role my race is playing as I go through my day. It means I don't have to think about being white at all because being white is what people are- anything (or anyone) else is the exception. White is the default setting for how society views individuals and institutions.

It means that I can live where I want, drive the car I want, go to the college I want, get the job I want. I can easily find other professionals who look like me, and I can see myself reflected positively in the media and news. I know the system will likely work to my advantage and that most the assumptions made about me based on my outward appearance will be favorable.

It means I have thousands of unearned privileges each day, some more significant than others.

In short, being white means my life is easier.

Now if you want to know what it means to be Italian.... well that's a different question.

And if you want to know what it means to be white and parenting children of color.... well that's a whole different thread

Wordless Wednesday