Happy Halloween

The Baby Wait- New Show, Same Old Story?

 “The unique premise of ‘The Baby Wait’ is that it documents both the lives of the birth mother and adoptive parents while they ride out the waiting period before the adoption is finalized...This waiting period varies from state to state and can range from a few days to several weeks or even a month. We also follow only one birth per episode, allowing us to go deeper on each story.”

So goes the official press release for the newest show on LOGO, The Baby Wait, premiering on Tuesday.   

Watching the preview makes me think it's going to be more like this....

 The protagonists of the show are the adoptive parents and the first mother is relegated to a supporting role at best and the role of "villain" as worst .  There is nothing that I see in any of the previews that leads me to believe that the birthmothers are going to be presented in a positive light- they are inherently going to be the one standing in the way of some other couple's eternal happiness.  Or to the degree that they are presented positively, I suspect that they will still be portrayed less favorably than the adoptive parents.  While (some) people will recognize this the majority of people watching the show are those who already accept the predominate narrative that adoption is the most wonderful thing in the world, providing an infant without a family (or without a family that meets our societal expectations) a new (better) family.  In light of the common acceptance of this narrative, there is little way to see the birthparents in any other light but a negative one.  
Even the positive spin "she loves you enough to give you a better life" is fraught with the same judgement.  These birthmothers are (a least in the preview) clearly struggling with no longer having their children.  If they have (or the viewer has) bought into the idea that the placing of their baby is the ultimate act of love and selflessness- how does it appear when they have second thoughts, especially if they decide they want to parent their child?

And since the states involved have a longer waiting period- there will be lots of happy scenes of the new families bonding with their children to make sure that the viewer forgets that these are also the birthparent's children too. 

 Even the tag line for the series....
6 couple
6 unforgettable stories
 tells us what the show is really about

Shouldn't it be 
6 couples, 
6 birthmoms (and birthdads), 
6 unforgettable stories.  

The previews break my heart.  I am not sure I can stomach watching the shows.   Someone please let me know if I am wrong. 

I suspect I won't be.

Things I Wish I Wrote: Why I am a Christian Democrat

 I can not understand claiming to be Christian and still voting for the current Republican agenda.  But she says it far better than I could.

Our government is far from perfect, but it is still, in my mind, the greatest example of the good that be done via a democratic government of, by, and for the people. As Christians, we have an obligation to care for all of God’s people—even when it doesn’t seem quite fair; even when poverty results from a toxic and convoluted mix of a sinful communal history, bad or nonexistent policies, and poor personal decisions; even when our initial efforts to fix a problem as big as our nation’s healthcare inequalities might be clumsy and in need of fine-tuning.

To put it simply, I am a Democrat because the Democratic Party is doing more than the Republican Party to care for the “least of these,” however imperfectly. And Jesus made it absolutely clear that caring for the least of these is central to our identity as his followers.

Read the whole thing here at 

Why I am a Christian Democrat.

Chinese Eyes- but Not How I Expected

I have thought about how to respond (and to help her respond) to the probably inevitable teasing that D will experience about the shape of her eyes.  I had always assumed that it would be trying to address a teasing incident and that it would be something that bothered her.  Didn't expect this....

So the other day I picked D up earlier than usual at Latchkey since she has gymnastics practice now.  While she went to get her backpack I went to fill up her water bottle so she could run straight to practice once we got to the gym.  When I came back she was talking and laughing with some (slightly) older girls and as we were leaving I thought I saw them do the "Chinese eyes" thing- when people pull the corner of their eyes out to make them look more almond shaped (often accompanied by the taunting rhyme "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees look at these")   I started to say something but realized K was already out the door to the car and I decided in that moment that my 4 year old walking out to the parking lot alone was slightly more critical than a lesson in diversity.

But we get into the car and I asked D what was going on.  Who were the girls? Are they your friends? What were they doing with their eyes?  I wanted her take on it before I said anything too much.  She said they were her friends and they were playing. 
 So I said

"you know as we were leaving it looked like they were pulling the corners of their eye to try to make them the same some people who are Chinese like you.  Lots of people who are Chinese have almond shaped eyes.  What was happening?"

"We were talking about eyes"
"Were they being mean?"
"No" 
(I should add that the written word doesn't really explain the exasperated 'really, mom?' tone she answered in)

"Okay, because sometimes when people do that they are trying to be mean to someone and make them feel like their eyes are different or bad"

"No"

"So nobody was teasing?"

"We were playing"

"I am glad to hear that.  But sometimes when kids want to tease other kids, they make fun of how they look.   If you want, I can help you come up with some ideas about what to say if people do try to tease you"

So I guess this constitutes the first of many conversations like this we will be having as she goes through school.  And while I realize that  I should probably be relieved that we had the chance to start to talk about it in a situation where there really didn't seem to be any ill intent beyond noticing eyes are different shaped and she truly wasn't upset at all.   That I will be able to revisit it with her and empower her in a way that will be proactive rather than reactive.  But mostly it makes me sad (but in no way surprises me) that even now in 2012 she will have to deal with ignorant people who think it is cute and funny to make "Chinese eyes"

In the Next 5 Minutes...

http://www.holtinternational.org/cgi/sponsorship/index.cgi

It's Funny Cause It's True

Weekend Wisdom

"In President Obama, Americans have the real deal, the whole package and a leader that citizens of almost every country around the world look to with great envy. Given the opportunity, Canadians would trade our leader, hell, most of our leaders for Obama in a heartbeat."

-William Thomas

Read the whole thing here- it's an very interesting perspective