Immigration, Adoption and Who Really is the Best Parent?

Yet another innocent child at the center of an adoption mess and another fine example of what happens when adoption law isn't followed. Here is the latest (and in some ways worst example of them all)

Read the story here

Yes the birth mother was here illegally- which while it is a crime, is it really any worse than many other crimes mothers do- and we don't summarily terminate their rights (even when we should in some cases) This birthmother was denied access to an attorney that was really able to represent her. The adoptive family (who appears to have their own issues with past legal trouble) hired the attorney that represented the birthmother yet no judge appeared to have issue with that conflict of interest and this questionable at best and illegal at worst adoption was allowed to proceed. This should NEVER have happened.

There have been many well-publicized cases lately of what happens when (probably well meaning) adoptive families and/or their agencies or attorneys attempt to circumvent law. And in each case the birth family was regarded as "less suitable" to be a parent, giving adoptive parents a victory in the court of public opinion (which thankfully, is not a legally binding court)

I am an adoptive parent but I know that my right to adopt that child NEVER supercedes the birthmothers right to parent that child unless that birthmom (or a court) has made that determination (in accordance with the laws of that jurisdiction). It doesn't matter if I have never committed a crime and she has, if I make a six figure a year income and she is on welfare, if I have a PhD and she an 8th grade education. I am and will always be the second choice for my child. And I am okay with that. I wish my kids could have been raised by their birth families- but they couldn't and I am thrilled to be able to provide them with a forever family.

But in this regard- biology does matter and when we begin to decide, contrary to law, who is fit to parent and who isn't- well it becomes a slippery slope before anyone with a better education, bigger house or larger portfolio can argue they would be the better parent to our children than we are.

Ethics must be at the forefront of every adoption, and even more so when one party (the adoptive parents) hold significant power over the other (the birthmother) Most adoptions don't end like this because most agencies and attorneys are ethical and follow the letter of the law.

But

when people become so desperate that they latch on to anyone promising a baby,

when they look for the quickest way,

when they ignore obvious warning signs or refuse to do their own due diligence,

when they believe they are so much more superior that the other person,

when they believe they have the moral high ground-

when they make ethics a lessor priority than getting a baby,

then the only real loser is the child.

While I certainly sympathize with the adoptive parents- this is not the way. Hopefully, this mother will be reunited with her child.