I pseudo-follow a blog dealing with race topics and racism. I say psuedo-follow because, although there is wealth of information there, the manner the blogger presents it I find somewhat abrupt and ill-fitting to my reading/learning style. So while I check in often and the blog appears in my blog reader, but I seldom spend any significant length of time there. Anyway....
a couple of weeks ago there was a 4 sentence post about the top 25 adoption blogs from circleofmoms.com. And not surprisingly the top 25 blogs are written by white adoptive parents (WAPs) -exclusively moms. The results aren't overly surprising- blogs were nominated by readers (also overwhelmingly WAPs) and voted on by readers (no surprise there- also WAPs). There were no blogs by first mothers and only 1 by an adult adoptee. Of the top 25, only one set of voices from the adoption triad were represented- and I agree that is a massive problem.
However, there were a couple of blogs, and one in specific, that are different than the rest- they are bloggers dealing with issues of race and ethics and the "hard topics" and not just blogging about starfish. (click here if you don't know what I mean) I foolishly attempted to make a comment on the blog to point out that these two blogs didn't deserve to be lumped into the rest (and I agree that the criticism of those blogs as representative of adoption is totally legitimate) Not only did my comment not get posted but here in part was the response
Umm yeah- if you know me you know I seldom defend the honor of "my people" (and let's not mention the inherent offensiveness in that categorization) If anything I expect a significantly higher standard of racial awareness and adoption awareness from actual adoptive parents. But I also recognize people who are trying to make a difference and who are actually "good sometimes" But if you are going to assume every white person is exactly the same then we are going to get no further than if I assume every African American is the same. See stereotyping and assumptions from either side of the equation get us pretty much no where.
but then here is the comment I want to address (not written by the blog author, but by a commentator)
IMHO being white and blogging about race is not the same as being someone who experiences racism (themselves as a person of color, not as how they are experiencing it through someone else) blogging about it. It is not acceptable for white people to continue to be the spokespeople for the everyone else.
No kidding that being white and talking about race is not the same as being someone who experiences racism. And I don't think those of us who are trying to legitimately blog about race think that there is even a remote similarity. But here's a thought...
Maybe WAPs might just reach an audience that needs to hear the message and won't get it any other way. I speak with adoptive parents and with prospective adoptive parents on panels, in online forums and in person. I have met WAPs who
Either don't know what white privilege is or worse, who don't believe it exists
Who think that race doesn't matter (including one who listened to Rhonda Roorda and Kevin Hofmann speak for 3 hours about being transracial adoptees with WAPs only to stand up during the Q & A and ask "does race really matter?")
Who don't know that African American hair needs different care and the cultural importance of hair, especially to African American girls and women
Who don't know how to teach their kids about DWB or even that they have to teach it
Who have not discussed what they are going to do when grandma uses the "n" word or crazy Uncle Bill pulls his eyes out to the side and says "Ah so, ching ching chong"
Who still whisper the word "black" as if it is an offensive term
Who have no friends who are black (despite their claims that "some of my best friends are black") and no resources to turn to for these questions- no one who can fill in the areas that they are going to be deficient in.
Who don't get that the world isn't colorblind and we do not live in a new post-racial age, no matter how much other white folks try to claim otherwise
I could go on and on with this list but the bottom line is that each one of these WAPs is parenting or about to be parenting a child who is not white, who is "the other" and who will have unique needs, whose interactions with the world are going to be different than those of their parents.
Those kinds of WAPs are out there and there are more than a few of them. And I wouldn't argue that some of them should NOT be parenting children of color. But regardless of whether or not they SHOULD be parenting, the reality is that they ARE parenting children of color. Since they are parenting children of color, I think we can agree that at a minimum a basic understanding of race and racism is pretty important. So how do they find out they need this understanding? From the people they actually have contact with- other WAPs. Do you honestly think that a parent who has no idea that race matters or that it is important to do their daughter's hair has any black friends to ask, has received any training from their agency or has read either any of the books written by adult transracial adoptees or any books on race and race issues.
No one is suggesting that WAP who blog about race are the answer. We are not THE best resource for other WAPs- how could we be? As was pointed out, we don't experience racism either. But we can be A resource. In many cases, we are the ones who have access to these other WAPs. We are often the first people to ever tell them about "white mama hair" or white privilege or any of the other aspects we have a least an academic knowledge of. They don't even know what they don't know.
I have spoken to many both in real life and online about these topics. And in some cases they quote the starfish story, tell me that love doesn't see color and pretty much dismiss anything I say as race-baiting. But often, you see the "lightbulb" go on to a new realization that their world is not their child's world and those parents become the ones taking every opportunity to hear adult adoptees speak, who are reading all the books they can find on the subject, who are moving to more diverse neighborhoods, finding churches or schools where their child isn't the "only" and working to try to compensate for what we lack from not having our own personal experience with racism.
The comments on the blog want to complain about how ignorant WAP are about race issues (and I agree that overall we are not a well informed group) but yet they denigrate one of the major groups that provide the initial stages of racial education to the people they complain about being ignorant. WAPs may not the best people to teach you about race and race issues because they do not experience them directly but if that's all that you got, well that's better than nothing. And just maybe, through what I (or others like me) say, those WAP will become better parents to their children- not because of anything brilliant we have said but because the door to what they still need to know was opened for them.
1 comment:
AMEN! And I would add: until white people become able to talk fluently about race and racism, we can't be part of the resistance movement that will help to change it. As a white person I do not, can not, experience systemic racism in the same way as a person of color. But I sure can work on changing institutionalized racism, and partner/collaborate/join coalitions with. Thanks for being such an articulate advocate!
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