VPI Follow Up Last Week, Surgery Tomorrow

Last week D had her follow up at with her VPI team to check how well her p-flap has healed and how well it is doing it's job. We bribed prepared her with the promise of special lunch with mommy and daddy and a trip to Target to get the accessories for her new room. She was very excited until we pulled up in front of the building. We were eventually able to get her out of the car and into the hospital. Bottom line is the speech therapist was fairly impressed with the improvement in her speech. There is a small hole that potentially could cause an air leak which will interfere with her correct speech but at this point it is so small they want to wait to see if it closes itself as she grows and gains weight. If not, we will go back when in a year or two (or three- whenever she is discharged from speech therapy) and decide what to do then. She was just happy to not have to do the "nose camera"

Watching herself on TV as they took video of her repeating sentences. This is the "nose camera" room- so initially she didn't really trust us that all she had to do was talk into the microphone.

Tomorrow we go to see her plastic surgeon for a lip revision. Right now she seems more interested in the "surprise" I am motivating bribing her with but I imagine tomorrow at 5:30 when we pull up to the hospital not even promising her a pony will help. It should be an outpatient surgery and if everything goes well we should be home with her around lunchtime.

Think good thoughts for her (and us)

click here for an update on how the surgery went

Wordless Wednesday

Golly Gee- Look Who's Three!!

I would write something profound but I am beyond swamped right now so I am going with the old adage that a picture is worth a thousand words and leave you with these 10,000 words....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY K!!!!

Weekend Wisdom (a little early)

"If it's not here and now, who cares about what and when?"

African Proverb

Wordless Wednesday

Immigration, Adoption and Who Really is the Best Parent?

Yet another innocent child at the center of an adoption mess and another fine example of what happens when adoption law isn't followed. Here is the latest (and in some ways worst example of them all)

Read the story here

Yes the birth mother was here illegally- which while it is a crime, is it really any worse than many other crimes mothers do- and we don't summarily terminate their rights (even when we should in some cases) This birthmother was denied access to an attorney that was really able to represent her. The adoptive family (who appears to have their own issues with past legal trouble) hired the attorney that represented the birthmother yet no judge appeared to have issue with that conflict of interest and this questionable at best and illegal at worst adoption was allowed to proceed. This should NEVER have happened.

There have been many well-publicized cases lately of what happens when (probably well meaning) adoptive families and/or their agencies or attorneys attempt to circumvent law. And in each case the birth family was regarded as "less suitable" to be a parent, giving adoptive parents a victory in the court of public opinion (which thankfully, is not a legally binding court)

I am an adoptive parent but I know that my right to adopt that child NEVER supercedes the birthmothers right to parent that child unless that birthmom (or a court) has made that determination (in accordance with the laws of that jurisdiction). It doesn't matter if I have never committed a crime and she has, if I make a six figure a year income and she is on welfare, if I have a PhD and she an 8th grade education. I am and will always be the second choice for my child. And I am okay with that. I wish my kids could have been raised by their birth families- but they couldn't and I am thrilled to be able to provide them with a forever family.

But in this regard- biology does matter and when we begin to decide, contrary to law, who is fit to parent and who isn't- well it becomes a slippery slope before anyone with a better education, bigger house or larger portfolio can argue they would be the better parent to our children than we are.

Ethics must be at the forefront of every adoption, and even more so when one party (the adoptive parents) hold significant power over the other (the birthmother) Most adoptions don't end like this because most agencies and attorneys are ethical and follow the letter of the law.

But

when people become so desperate that they latch on to anyone promising a baby,

when they look for the quickest way,

when they ignore obvious warning signs or refuse to do their own due diligence,

when they believe they are so much more superior that the other person,

when they believe they have the moral high ground-

when they make ethics a lessor priority than getting a baby,

then the only real loser is the child.

While I certainly sympathize with the adoptive parents- this is not the way. Hopefully, this mother will be reunited with her child.

As Promised

Weekend Wisdom will be preempted by the obligatory fall apples and pumpkin photos.

(so y'all will have to find your wisdom elsewhere this week)

Enjoying the big hill of dirt.

And if this isn't the perfect laundry detergent commercial I don't know what is- Set in stains??? Got 'em!

(Attempt at a) Photo of the Punkins in the Pumpkin Patch.

I don't know why I bother?

Close Enough. Happy Fall!