Ransom?? Really???

Adoption involves a fairly substantial amount of money.  There are fees that are paid for the homestudy, for the placing agency, for the orphanage, for the governmental agencies- all for fees and services that are provided.   And not everyone has an extra $20-$40K just sitting around.  (And since the adoption credit comes after the adoption is completed, the family still needs to front the money, even though a significant portion will come back to the family)  So some families work very hard to raise the needed funds to pursue the adoption.  And in addition to working additional hours and cutting expenses, families who are raising funds have come up with many creative ways to exchange goods or services for the funds they need.   They hold garage sales, sell crafts on Etsy,  hold auctions, and lots of other ideas.  In short, they are working in some way to earn the funds they need.

But then there is fundraising....

I have concerns when a family is fundraising. 

These are the families who are actively using their child or their child's story to solicit donations from anyone.   The ones who, when you question them, counter with examples of how horrible their life is in their birth country, or how there are 147 million orphans in the world and now there will be "one less" (never mind that the vast majority of the 147 million orphans have living parents and are orphaned by poverty, not death)  Their rallying cry is often "do you think they would be better off in an orphanage somewhere without the love a family"

It is easy to see the pitfalls of that kind of fundraising.  The presentation of the child as a charity case, the comments to the child about how everyone helped their parents bring them home and the ever present belief that all this means the child should be grateful their parents "saved" them.   The idea that their country of birth is evil or that they are neglected, abused or starving (true in some cases, not in most cases)  And in talking to many adult adoptees these fears are not unfounded.

I can't imagine a situation that I would put a "chip in" button on the blog so that family, friends and strangers would all be asked to pay for the adoption.  But families do it all the time.  I cringe when I see it but sort of accept that it is, for some families, perfectly acceptable and that regardless of what I or other adult adoptees (or even some adoptive parents who have seen the pitfalls first hand) say they believe since they are saving an orphan we should all pay for it.  (the most outrageous example I have seen recently is a family who is $14,000 dollars short and they are within weeks of travel.  They are not only trying to raise the $14K to "help an orphan come home" but they are also trying to raise more to take the siblings, pay the new child's medical expenses and allow one parent to stay home on unpaid leave while the child undergoes medical treatment. Seriously.  or maybe Seriously?)

But then I saw this on another a blog fundraising for a fellow adoptive family. 

just NINE WEEKS to raise the $34K RANSOM to rescue these two teenage girls.

ran·som

1.the redemption of a prisoner, slave, or kidnapped person, of captured goods, etc., for a price.

2.the sum or price paid or demanded.

3.a means of deliverance or rescue from punishment for sin, especially the payment of a redemptive fine.

 

 A word that in common usage means money you pay to a kidnapper- a criminal- for the release of someone being held against their will.  I get that there is a religious connection to the word as well, I fail to see how it really applies accurately in this situation.  And truthfully, is it does apply, if we are equating this child's adoption fees with a price paid to Satan, well honestly, that's even worse.

By using that word, it is clear that the adoptive families are attempting to elicit even more donations by equating the child's living conditions with a kidnapping and the country or origin as a captor.  Which again returns around to what message are you sending the child about their origins and more importantly what message are you send the world about both your child's culture and their beginnings.  

But I guess when what you really care about is saving an orphan, and not raising a child, the means to the end doesn't really matter much.