Things I Didn't Want to Have to Deal With

One of the things that prospective (and new) adoptive parents worry (often obsessively) about is attachment issues.  "What if they don't attach?"  Some parents go to great lengths to facilitate this attachment- banning anyone from holding the child and hiding in their house for months on end.  Other parents don't go to those same lengths but regardless we are all on guard for signs that there are attachment issues.  Because attachment issues, well they are actually a big deal.

I could talk for hours about attachment (just ask my college students who have to sit through a lecture on it every quarter) and it really is fascinating research but it is sufficient to say that attachment is the foundation on which all social emotional functioning is based.  And the more severe the attachment issue, the greater the risk of serious problems in the future.  So adoptive parents take it very seriously.

About 6 months ago we began to suspect one of our children was exhibiting issues with attachment.  For the purposes of these posts, I am not going to name which child it is- this child will be known as RADish- that way I can talk about our situation without compromising RADish's privacy.  (and for those of you who know about attachment you know that RAD is an acronym for Reactive Attachment Disorder- which is the most severe form of attachment difficulties.  I tried to think of another alias but this one sounded cute and it really describes the child- they are RAD-ish)

Right now RADish is fairly oppositional, and is engaging in inappropriate attention seeking behavior- especially if I am paying any attention to any other child.  RADish is refusing to sleep in their room at night (a problem we have never had before)  RADish has become aggressive and will hit/kick/push the other kids with little apparent provocation.  RADish has not had any trouble with any of these behaviors at school.  RADish is affectionate with us but forms very intense (but superficial) bonds with any adult and will interact with adults indiscriminately.  For example, RADish was upset at church last week saying goodbye to one of the teen volunteers that did Vacation Bible School.  This was a person RADish had only interacted with for 4 day (and 3 hours a day at that), yet saying goodbye involved tears and hugs and sadness that was very disproportionate to the situation.  Even when showing us affection, RADish will quickly go from loving to screaming at us in the blink of an eye.

So off we went to try to get some help before the situation gets worse because the older kids are the more risky the behaviors, the harder the therapy and the likelihood of success decreases

Right now RADish's issues and behaviors (thankfully) do not meet the threshold for an official RAD diagnosis so we are going to be trying, with the therapist, something called Parent Child Interaction Therapy- which is basically a 5 minute playtime every day in which RADish gets to choose the activity and I have to follow their lead without giving any commands, directions or criticisms.  In addition, I am supposed to praise a certain way and (and here's the hard one for a preschool teacher) I can't ask any questions.    We start tonight....